Trauma
by Violet-Pears
Summary: "You recruited me to be part of this team. Now it looks like I'm leaving the team with you." A strange smile tugged at his lips. "They always say life comes in a full circle." / What if the Freshmen were put through the Failsafe simulation? (A re-write of To Feel Alive)
1. Chapter 1

**So I decided to re-write my fic _To Feel Alive_. I'm much happier with this now, I hope you all enjoy.**

 **Just a quick FYI. I mention Steve, Rita and the Doom Patrol, It's my head-canon that Gar lived with them before joining the Team.**

 **Thank you for reading!**

* * *

The decision had not been an easy one. Weeks worth of discussions had gone into it. Talking and planning. Heated arguments over whether it was the right thing to do – it probably wasn't. It was not their place to traumatise the younger members of the team. Yet there were arguments _for_ the decision, and it was those arguments that kept the discussions going.

The two experiences would be different. Not a single member of the team would be put into the simulation without them being _completely_ aware of what it is they were signing up to. They would be told that they would be traumatised by the end of it, and Black Canary would be waiting for them when they woke up.

They would be told that their situation was well thought out and well planned. That from the beginning they would not know that they were in a simulation. That everything would seem and feel real.

They would be told that when the original members of the team went through the simulation they knew none of it was real; but very quickly forgot that it wasn't real. That after they got past the trauma, the experience helped them. Taught them more about themselves than they realised.

Yet that was still the point. Were they really willing to traumatise their teammates for the experience? Perhaps it was twisted of them to say that yes, they _were_ willing to put them through it. Perhaps it was even more twisted of them to use the same scenario. But the most twisted part was their final decision.

Stood around the concrete slabs that were so painstakingly familiar, the oldest members of the team felt guilt surging through their veins.

It was not as though the freshmen didn't know the facts. M'gann was not shy in telling them what was going to happen. Nothing was held back, and the apprehension in the younger team members eyes stood out in the dull room.

Members of the Justice League had been called for support once the training was over.

The difference between the older members of the team and the younger, was the option. M'gann's voice was clear and calm as she told the freshmen that they did not have to go through with the training if they did not want to do it.

Surprise flooded through Dick as Garfield moved first. "Do your worst, sis." There was a wicked grin on his face, but a seriousness in his eyes that Dick hadn't realised the younger boy was capable of.

Apparently he wasn't the only one who was shocked. Pain flickered across M'gann's face, Conner openly watched the younger boy in shock. Everyone else turned to stare in surprise in the younger boy. He hopped up onto one of the slabs and slid back, keeping himself upright with his elbows.

"Okay." Cassie sounded unsure but followed after, placing herself onto the slab on Garfields left.

One by one the freshmen approached a slab, and the guilt in Dick's gut gradually got worse. It was the guilt that had him drifting over to Tim, who was settled on Cassie's left. The guilt had him smiling tightly at his younger brother. "I'm going to be right here the whole time. It's going to be alright."

If M'gaan was stood closer to Gar than the middle of the circle, he wouldn't mention it. Conner was stood by the younger boy, a small smile on his face.

Despite the fact they were lucky enough to have Dinah just down the hall, and the full support of everyone there. Despite the fact they all willingly volunteered to go into the simulation, it didn't make Dick feel any better. Instead he felt worse. He had been expecting a protest, some kind of argument. An outcry about how they couldn't do that to someone else.

He didn't expect Garfields wicked grin, and the glint in Bart's eyes. The unspoken challenge of 'anything he can do, I can do better.' The reluctance on Barbara's face and hesitation on Tim's was what he expected. Jaime had been oddly quiet, and Mal and Karen had held each other tightly for a moment before separating. La'Gaan had a similar look of determination that had rested in Garfields eyes.

"If you could all lie down and try to clear your minds." M'gann's voice rang out across the room and Dick closed his own eyes, a hand squeezing Tim's shoulder gently. "If you cannot completely clear them, try to focus on something. It could be my voice, or perhaps the sound of the ocean. Something that will keep you calm; this will work better if you are all as calm as possible."

Dick wanted to snort, anyone knowing that they were about to go through a traumatic experience would not be _calm_. Hell, calm was the exact opposite of what he was in that moment.

Opening his eyes, he was met with the green glow of Miss Martians.

"Good Luck, team." He called out, his grip on Tim's shoulder loosening.

They were going to need every ounce of luck they could get.

* * *

 **Cassie**

Tears stung at her eyes as she struggled to take in a deep breath. Nightwing and Artemis were stood by the screen, emotionless masks on both their faces. _How were the still so strong?_

They were all stood in the ops room; Kaldur, Conner and M'gann had left not too long ago, called out to assist the Justice League. The Justice League who were being decimated by an unknown alien foe. One by one, they were being picked off. Batman, Superman, Captain Atom, Martian Manhunter, Captain Mar-

 _Billy_.

Billy Batson who was not much older than she was. Maybe a few months older. And already gone. Her fingers gripped her upper arms, teeth biting onto her bottom lip as one treacherous tear slid down her cheek.

An armoured arm bumped into her own, turning her head she was met by a tight smile from Blue. Their gazes drifted back to the screen in time to see the Flash disappear. A muffled yelp from behind had her gaze dragged away from the screen. Bart had grabbed Gar's arm, his fingers digging – painfully from the way it looked – into the shape-shifters flesh.

When her eyes trained on the screen, another tear escaped along with a whispered ' _No_ '. Diana diasappeared in a painful flash, Aqua Man and Kaldur followed moments later. A hand gripped her shoulder, and she didn't need to turn her head to know it was Robin. Watching so many people they knew and cared for die before them shattered her heart; it was more than she could bare. But if she couldn't hold herself together then what kind of a hero was she?

Zatanna and M'gann vanished together, with Conner disappearing moments later. Once again she turned her head, and everything seemed to freeze. She had been expecting to see tears in Gar's eyes, his usually happy face broken with sadness. Not- Not whatever had replaced her friend. His eyes were dark, an anger that she didn't know he was capable of burning like wildfire. The emotionless mask that had slotted into place horrified her; freezing her into place.

Only when Red Tornado's voice echoed through the room did she snap back to life.

"Red Tornado to Cave. I fear I may be all that remains of the League, you are now all that stands between-"

The screen went blank. Artemis and Nightwing turned to face them, their expressions as grim as Cassie felt.

"We all heard Red Tornado. We are now all that stands between the destruction of the Earth and these Aliens. It is our job to do everything we can to protect whatever is left." With a few taps on the holocomputer around his wrist, he brought up a projection of the Earth, covered in odd red dots, which she assumed were the Alien ships.

Forcing herself to continue on, she pointed to a lone red dot in the North Pole. "Did that one get lost or something?"

Nightwing chuckled dryly. "It's more likely that the power source of Superman's Fortress of Solitude caught the Aliens attention. At least, enough attention to send a scout ship."

"So, we go north and investigate? I mean, a frontal attack isn't exactly working, the more we know about these extra terrestrials the better." Robin spoke up.

Artemis nodded. "Exactly."

"Batgirl, Cassie, Jaime, Mal, La'Gaan you five are Beta. I want you to go to the Hall of Justice, help hold the fort there, up until our arrival. Help the army defend the civilians, and try not to die." Nightwing looked at the five of them, and they each nodded in turn. "The rest of us are Alpha. We will be taking Miss M's bio-ship north, and investigating the ship up there."

Fear tugged at her chest and she tried to ignore it. She was Wonder Girl, the protégé of Wonder Woman. An alien invasion wasn't supposed to scare her. She had helped defeat the Reach!

Before she realised what was going on a pair of arms wrapped around her, they were gone before she had a chance to return the hug. It was a second later, when she realised the same had happened to Jaime, that she realised it was Bart. Jittering, vibrating, worried Bart. "Good luck guys! We'll see you soon, right?"

She should tell him no. The adults had all died, what chance did they stand? But instead she gave her best grin and nodded. "Before you know it."

Gar hugged her next. Tight and forceful, and long enough that she had the chance to hug him back just as tightly. He pulled away before hugging Jaime.

"See you on the other side, yeah?" His tone was humorous, but it was different. It took her a moment to realise it was as dark as the emotion consuming his eyes.

It scared her more than the aliens did in that moment.

As the others began to leave, she pulled Robin into a tight hug. "Stay safe."

It was as ridiculous as telling Bart she would see him soon. But it made her feel better; even if they were going to die, it was nice to pretend that they might live.

"You too Cass."

But Robin divulged in that pool of denial as well, and if Robin could pretend then surely that was the way to go. Denial had never done her much damage in the past, what harm could it cause in the end?

She forced a smile onto her face as she began to turn away. Nothing had ever felt so difficult as turning her back to her friends did. Each step she took towards the zeta-beams felt like a weight pulling her down. She felt so much heavier, and she wondered if the weight of the world was finally crushing her. An arm wrapped around her shoulders, and she looked up to see Jaime giving her a grim smile.

The computer began to announce their departures and she let herself relax against Jaime for one last moment. Relaxing was likely something she was never going to experience again.

 _What would Wonder Woman do?_

" _Batgirl. B16. Lagoon Boy. B18. Wonder Girl. B21. Blue Beetle. B22. Guardian. B24."_

The air rushed through her, and rather than gather her control she _let go_. Despite her fear, this was what she had been training for. Her whole life had been leading up to one moment, and that moment was her death. The moment she had decided she wanted to be the new Wonder Girl, she had chosen a life that could get her killed. Sure she hadn't been part of that life as long as Nightwing or Artemis, or even Garfield or Robin, but they all chose the same life. To save the world, no matter what the cost.

If the cost was her life, then she would gladly give it.

For so long she had been training to be just like Wonder Woman, and Wonder Woman had given up her life to save the world. Wonder Girl could do the same.

She would.

"It's weird, don't you think?" Her gaze returned to Blue.

"What is?"

"You recruited me to be part of this team. Now it looks like I'm leaving the team with you." A strange smile tugged at his lips. "They always say life comes in a full circle."

Her eyes narrowed and her face hardened. "You make it sound like we're going to die. That's quitter talk."

He laughed dryly shrugging. "Nah, I'm just being a realist. I tried asking Khaji Da what he thought our survival chances are, but he refuses to respond. Which is- _weird_."

Raising an eyebrow, she nodded. It was weird. Jaime had once told her that getting the Scarab to shut up was nigh-impossible. The Scarabs silence was almost as weird as her calm heartbeat. Though it wasn't something she should be dwelling on – they had a world to save after all.

"Khaji Da might have given up, Blue, but that doesn't mean we will as well. The world is depending on us."

Taking a look at the soldiers outside the Hall of Justice, she sucked in a deep breath. The world was depending on them, and she was going to do her damnedest to help them.

 _Come and get us_ _._ She thought as she looked up at the sky.

The soldiers stationed by the Hall looked nothing short of relieved. Eager to have the assistance of some of the few heroes that were left. The jobs of the army consisted of trying to get the civilians to safety and keeping the aliens as far away from the civilians as possible. Seeing and watching the crestfallen, heartbroken and hopeless people crying and begging made her stomach twist with nausea.

 _What would Wonder Woman do?_

She didn't think twice about leaping to help.

Her lasso had come in handy, already having saved her life twice as she fought against the creatures who were so unrelenting in the path of destruction. It was one of the first times that she had to rely on the rope rather than her fists. Usually she would be able to punch her way out of a situation, she couldn't do that with the new enemy.

Something hard collided into her, forcing her to the ground. Groaning, she looked at Jaime who shook his head as he pulled himself up. "I thought you weren't planning on dying."

Frowning, she accepted his hand and stood up. "It looks like surviving is going to be a more difficult task than I expected." She muttered, the sarcasm barely noticeable. "Thank you, Jaime, I owe you one."

"I'm not going to let you die, Cass" There was something strange about his tone, and the he turned to stable a nearby enemy to a wall of the Hall of Justice. "And anyway, you're pretty useful."

Her lips twitched and she rolled her eyes. "Don't go sacrificing yourself for me. I don't want to have to explain to Bart that his _hermano_ turned out to be a self-sacrificing idiot." With a wink, she shot back up into the air.

At the mention of Bart, she wondered how the others were getting on. Were the all alright, or had something terrible hap-

 _Wonder Woman wouldn't be thinking about those kinds of things._ She lectured herself.

After rescuing another few civilians, she found herself with Batgirl, trying to protect a group of civilians from a ship that was coming towards them. The oldest was no older than herself, and he was clutching onto a young child. The two of them made her stomach twist once again. The young child was a mere toddler. A _toddler_. Who knew what had happened to the parents– Gods, she had to stop thinking like that.

Wonder Woman wouldn't let herself get distracted like that.

Batgirl turned to her. "Get the civilians out of here."

It was a strict, no nonsense order, and her gut clenched. She nodded anyway and started to lead the group away, the children were crying and clinging to one another. Once they were behind an army truck she turned to look behind her. Batgirl had ran in the opposite direction of Cassie and the civillians.

Her blood ran cold.

Watching the deaths of her mentor and friends on a screen had been one thing, seeing Batgirl disappear in a flash before her eyes was another.

" _NO_!"

Anger and desperation clawed at her heart. The tears that slid down her cheeks were hot and stung the cuts that marred her face. The pain only made her clench her fists tighter.

 _What would Wonder Woman do?_ Her mind whispered, and she shook her head.

 _What would Wonder Girl do?_ She growled back.

Making sure the innocents were safe with the military she shot into the air. Fists clenched around her lasso, anger boiling in her chest.

Was this what Gar had felt?

"Hey Assholes!" Her voice echoed out. "Let's _dance_!"

* * *

 **Garfield**

He wanted to gasp for air, but he didn't need to. It was the anxiety, the pain, and the pressure. The pressure that came with the suit. Or rather, the pressure that came with the green skin. Exchanging a look with Bart, the next breath came easier. If his friend had survived an alien caused apocalypse, then Gar could help prevent another alien caused apocalypse. Right?

"I'm surprised it was that easy." Bart muttered under his breath.

Gar snorted in agreement, meeting the boys eyes.

Robin's gaze landed on them and shook his head. "These things are _never_ _that easy_."

"We know." Gar shot Robin a look, green eyes meeting the black and white, domino mask.

They were stood on top of the alien scout ship. Nightwing had suggested taking the disintegration beam and attaching it to the bio-ship, but without M'gaan it was proving to be a difficult task. Having the ability to shape-shift into strong animals meant that Gar was going to be the one to help with the removal, and with the bio-ship now, apparently, belonging to him, it made things marginally easier.

After a long struggle, He shifted into a gorilla and began using his full strength to try and disconnect the disintegration beam. As he was pulling, he heard a crackle of energy. Before he knew what was happening someone collided into him, knocking him off balance and causing him to tumble off the ship.

Someone had let out an anguished cry, and another had yelled out a pain filled ' _No_ _!_ ' Pulling himself up, he shifted into a falcon before flying back onto the ship. He turned himself into his humanoid form, eyes looking around. Nightwing was nowhere to be seen.

No. Nope. _No_... He shook his head, eyes meeting Tim's covered ones. "I-"

"There was no indication of feedback." The older boy was looking at his holocomputer, and Gar decided it might be best if he tried to ignore the tears slipping out from under the mask. "He- he did the only thing there was time to do. W- we need that beam."

It was one thing seeing all that death, another knowing he was an indirect cause of it. The guilt began gnawing at his chest, and he tried his best to ignore Artemis' soothing words to Tim. Shifting into a gorilla once again, he tried to push all thought of Dicks sacrifice from his mind. There would be time to mourn later and if there wasn't then he would be dead. And if he let grief consume him he would be as good as dead.

All heroes paid the ultimate price eventually.

A price all heroes had to pay. At least, that had been what Steve had once told him.

When the beam finally detached he hauled it over to the Bio-Ship. With Bart and Tim's help, the integration process began. Artemis ordered the rest of the team onto the ship, her face blank as she stared at where Dick had been standing moments previously.

Thanks to his heightened hearing, he heard them before he saw them. His stomach dropped and before he could even think to call out Artemis' voice crackled in his ear. "I've got you covered, get back to the ship."

It had been the first time in a long time that he had seen her using her bow and arrows. He desperately wished it wasn't because the situation was so dire and it had been because she wanted to use them. But the heroine Artemis had died with Kid Flash and Tigress had come to take her place. Tigress wasn't an Archer, and maybe that's what made it worse.

Artemis Crock had already died once before in his life time. Even if the first occasion had turned out to be a fake, it had still cut through him. Watching Artemis come back just to die again was more painful than the first time round. It wasn't Tigress dying before their eyes, it was Artemis, and it was suffocating.

The disintegration beam shot through her, and as her body vanished a hand grabbed his upper arm. Fingers digging so tightly that for a second he worried the skin might break. Then he stopped worrying, the pain was better than the constant death that was surrounding them. His whole life had become nothing but death. His mom and dad. Jason. Wally. Billy. Kaldur. Conner. M'Gann. He didn't doubt that Steve and Rita were gone as well. Dick and now Atremis-

The grip on his arm tightened and he let out a shuddering breath.

Looking behind him, he met Bart's eyes and his friend let go of his arm. The pain in his friends eyes reflected how he felt. As if he had just lost _everything_. And he had. They all had. Their families were being killed off member by member. It was suffocating and painful in a way that Gar hadn't even realised he could hurt.

"We need to get back inside, _now_." He growled, his mouth moving without permission from his mind.

Before he could register even moving, he was inside the ship, being sat at the helm by Bart. Gar could almost feel the depression rolling off of his team mates. They had lost both Dick and Artemis, the two most experienced team members that they had left. For a moment, he too felt as if he should just give up.

But that went against everything he had ever been taught.

The Doom Patrol never gave up. The Justice League never gave up. Why should their team just give up?

"Robin, contact team Beta, tell them we're on our way." His voice sounded far more confident than he felt, but someone had to step up. Someone had to take the initiative. He may not have had training from _the_ Batman, but Steve had done a fine job of ingraining everything he needed to know about leadership into his head. After all, if he was to inherit Dayton industries, he had to know what he was doing.

Robin looked up at him before nodding and following the order, because in the end that is what it had been. An order.

With a glance around the ship, he felt his stomach drop. Karen was crying quietly. Bart was staring – or rather, glaring – out of the window. Virgil looked ill. Robin's face was void of emotion as he spoke quietly through the communicator to, what sounded like, La'gaan.

"Guys." Karen and Virgil turned their heads to look at him, Bart didn't move – but he was most definitely listening, and Robin slowly turned his chair around to face him. "Look, I know things are going badly. I know we've lost the majority of the heroes out there, including M'gaan, Conner, Kaldur, Artemis and-" He paused for a moment, because the young man's real name was on his tongue and it was only fair that everyone who died was properly acknowledged. It wasn't a costume that made the sacrifice, it was the person.

"Dick and Barbara." Tim finished for him.

Barbara... _Batgirl_. Tim was the only remaining member of the bat clan. Gar felt his stomach twist as he lowered his gaze for a moment. Collecting himself.

He looked up again. "We've lost pretty much every hero out there, including our friends. And yeah, we're young and _new_. We don't have the training these guys did. And maybe we aren't as strong, or as _good_ as them. But do you know what? We are _still_ _alive_. We have survived so far. We still have the chance and opportunity to take these guys down. Use the pain to fuel the desire to succeed. There will be time to mourn later, and if not, then we're probably all dead. But until then, the earth still needs us. So let's save it."

Steve would probably glare at him for the 'motivational' part of that speech. But Rita and M'gaan – even Conner – they would be proud, and that's all that mattered. Steve taught him how to lead. Rita taught him how to be a leader. Unbeknown to Steve, they were actually two different things.

"Now, lets go kick some alien butt!"

He saw Robin's lips twitch upwards slightly, Karen and Virgil both looked relatively surprised and Bart, who had turned to look at him part way through his speech, rolled his eyes and shot him a grin that screamed the phrase ' _I told you so_ '.

 _"_ _What was I like in_ _your_ _future?"_

 _"_ _You were the leader of a group called the Titans."_

 _"_ _Leader? You're joking, right?"_

After narrowing his eyes in a mock glare at Kid Flash, he turned to focus on what was happening out of the window.

As the approached the Hall of Justice he could just make out Cassie and Blue in the sky. Cassie's lasso gripped tightly in one hand as she threw a punch with the other. He could see La'gaan and Mal assisting some of the soldiers, the look on La'gaans face completely surprised Gar. The usually arrogant or cocky expression was gone, and the older boy looked grim and serious.

Gar tried to keep himself composed as the ship got closer. Taking in a deep breath, he fired the disintegration beam at one of the alien ships headed for the Hall. After firing multiple times, he felt it was safe enough for them to land.

As they all walked off the ship, they were met by military men, and the rest of their team. He locked eyes with the major, and tried to turn as much of his fear and pain, as he could, into confidence. He held out his hand. "Beast Boy. Justice League." The major shook his hand. "I have with me, Bumble Bee, Kid Flash, Robin and Static. We're here to help."

"It's good to see a few more faces." The major replied, his own tone matching Gar's – feigned confidence.

The sound of another ship coming towards them hit Gar's ears. "We need to get inside, it'll be safer there. Then we can form a plan and save whatever is left of humanity."

* * *

 **Tim**

Once inside the main entrance of the Hall, Tim took a moment to breath. Sure, he had taken a few moments on the bio-ship, but it really was getting far too much for him. It was suffocating, and being surrounded by air that was clouded with destruction just added to the pressure in his chest. The only relief was that most of their friends were still alive.

Cassie, Jaime, La'gaan and Mal. He tried not to think about the fact Babs was gone, he would probably be joining her and Dick in no time anyway. God, he had to stop thinking like that. The Team didn't need that. He had to keep himself focused, Bruce wouldn't be impressed if he succumbed to the guilt and heartache. Dick would likely be unhappy with him as well, and he couldn't decide whose disappointment would be worse.

"Who put _you_ in charge, anyway?"

He was pulled out of his thoughts to see La'gaan and Gar. La'gaans eyes were narrowed as he looked at the younger boy. Gar, who looked far older than he probably should in the moment.

"Someone had to step up."

"Who'd of thought?" He turned to see Cassie next to him, Jaime on her other side. "Garfield taking control, it's weird."

Raising an eyebrow he shook his head. From the moment Gar had began taking control it just seemed like a natural transition. A logical one when he took a moment to think about who Gar was. Maybe Cassie and Jaime just didn't know their friend as well as he did. "Not really." He looked back at Gar. "This was what he was trained for. It's the reason he left the Doom Patrol and joined the Team. He's capable, but doesn't want to be. Right now, we need someone who knows how to handle a situation like this."

A part of him whispered that it could have been him. That he could have stepped up and taken charge. But he didn't have the confidence; he hadn't been a bat long enough to expect to be a leader. What some didn't understand was that just because he was trained by Batman, didn't mean that he expected to become him.

"Wait, Gar has been trained for this sort of thing?" Jaime was staring at him, and no doubt, if he wasn't wearing the beetle suit, his eyes would be as wide as saucers.

"He's the adoptive son of Mento and Elasti-girl. You know, the Doom Patrol? Mento drilled leadership into his head, he didn't want the heir to Dayton industries to be useless."

"I don't think I'll see that kid in the same light again, ese."

 _You probably won't have long to see him in the new light anyway_ _._ He thought bitterly to himself.

"Robin!" Kid Flash and Guardian had appeared in front of him. "We need you to come out to the bio-ship with us. 'Wing had the initial scans of the beam... If we're going to collect them, we need to know how they work."

Nodding, Tim shot Cassie and Jaime a grim smile before following Bart and Mal. It was terrifying, climbing over rubble and ruin as they approached the bio-ship. He pulled his holocomputer up as they stood at the base of the ship. Within a second he started the scan, both Guardian and Kid Flash looking over his shoulder.

"Is it just me, or does that look like zeta radiation?"

Bart looked at Mal. "The stuff that fuels the zeta beams?"

"Yeah, but I-" Tim was cut off.

"So Barry and Artemis and Dick- Everyone is alive?" Bart was looking at him with wide eyes.

 _No. No they are not alive_ _._ But he couldn't bring himself to say it aloud.

The pause in saying it didn't stem from certainty. The energy matched the zeta-beams; not exactly but it looked close enough. His heart skipped and the hope the crawled in was dangerous. While his mind was telling him that it wasn't zeta-radiation, his heart was praying that it was.

" _Could_ be." Tim stated. "There's no way for us to be sure."

"Let's get back to the Hall." Mal said calmly. "Explain what we've found to the others."

Bart took off, arriving in the Hall as soon as he decided to move. Sometimes, Tim still wasn't used to the whole 'super speed' thing. Especially when such a thing came more in handy for 'flight' rather than 'fight'; but Barry, Wally and Bart had all used it for 'fight'. Mal and himself were walking briskly, climbing over destruction and ruin when he heard it. The sound of another ship.

 _Shit_.

Something rough slammed into his back and he tumbled to the ground. He sucked in a deep breath, he pulled himself to his feet. Cursing himself he ran for the Hall, guilt replacing the hope. With one glance back, he felt despair take hold of his chest.

What was it with the older heroes sacrificing themselves for the young?

But the logical part of him argued that it _wasn't_ a sacrifice. Mal would have been disintegrated either way, he just saved Tim from suffering from the same fate. That didn't stop the guilt, because he would have to be the one that broke the news to Karen, Mal's fiancée. Oh, he was _not_ looking forward to _that_.

He ran through the doors to see that everyone was moving further into the Hall, he followed after them, his chest feeling tighter than it had all day. Inside the main hall, the rest of the Team stood discussing how to make it back to the cave.

"We zeta back." Tim interjected.

"How?" La'gaan questioned. "We need League permission..."

"Or genius hacking skills." Tim replied, setting to work. Once upon a time, Dick had taught him how to hack into League systems. Now, he could put those skills into action. His fingers moved quickly as he heard the gunfire just outside the hall.

" _Override, Robin. B20_ _._ "

"It's only one at a time." He said calmly.

"That's fine." Gar piped up. "Guys, lets get moving."

" _Wonder Girl. B21. Static. B26._ "

There was a crash from behind and he turned to see the shadowy figures of the extra terrestrial lifeforms coming towards them.

" _Blue Beetle. B22_ _._ "

A blur of yellow and red shot past him, and he turned to see Jaime soaring backwards through the beam. Bart turned to look at him. "Rob, you're next! Then Gar!"

Tim gave a reluctant nod before approaching. " _Robin. B20_ _._ "

He heaved somewhat of a sigh as he stepped into the familiarity of the Cave. Cassie and Virgil were sat on the floor, as Jaime sat on a desk, legs swinging backwards and forwards. The Blue Beetle costume was gone, and Jaime looked _ill_.

" _Kid Flash. B23_ _._ "

Tim spun around, surprised. Bart had said Gar would be next. Taking in the ill look on Bart's face-

 _No_.

"Where is-"

"Bee shoved me through." He rubbed at the back of his neck. "The Hall has been decimated. Only took those things a matter of seconds. So, if the others don't make it through, they're either dead, or the zeta-beam was destroyed."

" _Beast Boy. B19_."

A grim looking Gar stepped out of the tubes. A frown firm on his face. "Karen and La'gaan are- Not going to be joining us."

Tim winced, and Bart's eyes dropped to the ground.

"La'gaan said I had to make it back. He said that M'gaan would be proud of me, and would want me to survive. So, if it was the last thing he ever did, he would save her little brother."

And by the expression on Garfields face, it _was_ the last thing La'gaan had ever done.

"So, we gonna save the world or not?" It was Cassie that had piped up, and when he turned to look at her he almost stumbled backwards. A dangerous grin tugged at her lips.

Gar's face hardened as he walked over to the others; he and Bart followed behind. It was only the six of them. Six young, rookie heroes who had never fought without some kind of leader or mentor. Six kids who stood between the complete take over of the planet. Because they were the six that were left. They were alive and they were still willing to fight.

Vengeance could be a dangerous thing, Batman had once told him.

"Tim." Gar was looking at him, and he realised he should be mad that his friend used his real name. He wasn't. He was in a room with friends, the last people he might ever see. Unlike Bruce, he wasn't willing to die without a friend in the world. What harm was it for his friends to know who he was near his final moments. He revealed Dick and Barbara's names, it was only fair that his was revealed as well.

"Could you bring up the satellite scan of Earth." As an afterthought. " _Please_."

The red dots flashed across the hologram. "There." He pointed to the largest of the dots. "That has to be the mothership." Examining the area, he nodded to himself. "It landed in, what used to be, Smallville." Pausing, his heart sank ever so slightly. "If Mal was correct, then that would be where the others are."

He assumed that Bart had already told the others about the theory.

"Then that's where we have to go." Gar's voice was calm, almost resigned. His eyes flickered from person to person. "Our goal will be to track down any survivors. Then we destroy the mothership."

Tim's stomach twisted as he watched his friend. Despite the calm expression, his eyes were clouded; as if he was arguing with himself. He had seen the expression often enough on Bruce's face that he knew what it meant.

 _Someone has to make the heard decisions._ Bruce had told him once.

Not Gar.

Gar who had done everything in his power to befriend Tim when he first joined the Team. Gar who was younger than everyone else. Who wore a smile almost religiously, and hauled Tim around the Cave to pull pranks and play video games. Gar who was the jokester of the team.

Jokesters aren't supposed to make the hard decisions.

"We'll need a distraction." His voice was low, and his fingers were curled into fists.

"Okay." Jaime dropped off the table, rubbing the back of his neck with a hand. "What do you need me to do?"

Tims stomach lurched as Jaime met Gar's eyes.

"A frontal attack on the ship will draw out the aliens, letting-"

" _Jaime_ -" Cassie was staring at him, blue eyes wide with a fear Tim had never seen on her before. And then the fear was gone, replaced with determination. "I'm going too."

For a second, Gar looked uncomfortable, and then the emotionless mask replaced it. "We need them out of the ship. The two of you will be a bigger distraction than one of you. It'll give the rest of us a chance to get in and blow it all to hell." And then his expression softened.

"You better." A dark smile grew on Cassie's face. "If I'm going down, I want that fucker coming down with me."

Tim wanted to pretend that Gar had left out the possibility of finding survivors on the ship, but he couldn't. Gar knew. He knew what they were going to the ship for. He knew that there were no survivors. He knew that they weren't coming back.

Tim's throat tightened as he swallowed his fear.

This was a suicide mission.

* * *

 **Bart**

When the Reach had taken over the world, there had been no opportunity for any other kind of invasion. His whole life he had thought their could be nothing worse than the Reach apocalypse – he had been wrong. There was nothing more terrifying than knowing that even if he did make a difference, he wasn't likely to live to see it.

It wasn't the first suicide mission he had been on. There had been no guarantee that by going into the past and changing things that he wouldn't be erased from existence. The fact he hadn't disappeared or changed in some drastic way surprised him; he had been expecting some kind of – _something_. Giving his life for something that might not make a difference though?

It sliced through him.

" _No one_ has _to do this. If you don't want t-_ " Gar had tried to give them an out, Cassie and Jaime had made up their minds. He had swallowed down his fear, he had survived far longer than he had ever expected to anyway. And if his friends were going to die, what did he have to live for anyway? It was his decision that confirmed Tim's and Virgil's.

He was out of his element, but so was everyone. And god- Virgil had only been on the team for just under six months. Hadn't had his abilities for much longer than that; as opposed to Bart who was born with his speed. Born into the crusade against evil.

And now? Now they were stood on a cliff side waiting on the order from Gar. A small part of him wondered if Gar now knew how Dick had felt during the Reach invasion. Risking everything no matter what.

A glance over to his friend and his heart _ached_. Gar was torn. Torn between what he had to do and what he wanted to do.

' _I'm sentencing everyone to die._ '

He had shook his head. ' _You gave everyone the option. Jaime and Cass volunteered to sacrifice themselves._ '

They all had, and it was eating away at them all. Waiting for the order to die was the worst thing that had ever happened in his life.

"Cass, Jaime." Gar's eyes landed on the two. "See you on the other side."

They weren't coming back. Not one of them. And he wasn't sure how to feel about that. And the knowledge of that would destroy him if he had much time to think on it; he supposed he ought to be thankful that he didn't have that kind of time.

Within a matter of a minute, Blue's voice cracked through the ear piece. "Now or never, hermano."

It was the first time had ran with someone on his back. Gar further behind, as a falcon, while Virgil used the top of a dustbin to get himself across the gap. It was strange, running with Robin on his back, holding on for dear life – he didn't blame him. The speed would be terrifying for those who were not used to it.

Once on the mothership, they had to keep moving. Tim was scanning for the League, to no avail. They weren't there. Bart's stomach twisted, they were really dead. The confirmation was almost more than he could take. But their mission was not without purpose.

"Tim. We need to get to the core of the ship-"

"Already on it, follow me."

And so they did. Running at a normal pace had always felt weird, but he could do it. Keeping pace with his friends rather than running off and completing the mission himself. The core didn't seem to be _too_ far away.

"We're here." It was Virgil that had piped up, leading them through the door.

Gar was following behind. The four of them entered the room, Gar's eyes scanned the area. Virgil pointed ahead. "C'mon guys." He was still on the dustbin lid, gliding along ahead of them. Gar had shifted into a falcon once again, and Tim was running ahead. Bart caught up, just in time to grab the older boy, who was being pulled into the core.

The speedforce allowed him to be able to keep up with everything as it happened. Dangling just above the core with Tim keeping him from falling. Bart didn't see what Gar had shifted into, all he knew that it was large and strong enough to carry the weight of both himself and Tim. He lowered the two of them onto the core before shifting back into his human form. Virgil landed just next to him.

"Where did you get the explosives? Thought Kaldur banned them in the Cave."

Tim chuckled darkly. "Yeah, he did. Doesn't mean people listened to him."

"So, where-"

"Artemis and Dick keep them in their rooms. I don't think they're going to need them any more. Five minutes, let's go."

And they began to flee.

He could have ran off. Used his speed and gotten out before Gar, Tim and Virgil made it to the end of the corridor. He could have abandoned them. Fled, left, saved himself. But he couldn't. No matter how terrified he was, he refused to abandon his friends. If they were going to die, he would die with them. There would be nothing for him if he survived, and he couldn't live with himself if they died and he still lived.

Rounding a corner, he watched in horror as one of the doors shut. He heard Virgil groan in frustration, Gar let out what sounded like an almost defeated sigh as Tim brought his fist down on the door. Domino covered eyes met his own.

"You could still make it."

He could. He could phase through the door and run to safety, just like how Gar could become a small enough creature and slip under the door. They could both escape and leave Virgil and Tim to die.

It was almost as if the shape-shifter had heard his thoughts, he looked over at them both, understanding the unspoken refusal Bart was giving.

"We can stand here for the next few seconds and wait for death. _Or_ \- we can go out fighting."

There was no real question to what he was choosing. He had been raised to fight, and he was going to go out the same way.

And when Tim's count down hit zero, he accepted his fate. The burning sensation. The impossible heat that tore him apart, that burned him to his death.

With a gasp he shot up into a sitting position, heart racing in his chest. Tears dripping down his cheeks, sweat coating his skin. His eyes were darting around as he took in his surroundings.

 _Good Luck._

 _Psychic simulation_ _._

 _Training for failure._

 _Traumatic._

His breaths came out in pants, tears dripping down his cheeks as the realisation hit him. _It wasn't real_. _None_ of it had been _real_. No one had died; they were all still alive.

 _He had volunteered for it._

"Bart? _Bart_!"

The pressure on his shoulders caused him to turn his head. His grandpa was sat on the slab facing him; hands gripping onto his shoulders, worry etched into his eyes. Bart reacted to his first impulse.

"You're alive!"

Shooting forwards, he wrapped his arms around the older man. Trying his hardest not to shake, he clung onto his grandfather for dear life.

 _It wasn't real._

 _No one died._

The sound of crying made him pause mid-breath. Peaking over the Flashes shoulder he noticed Gar buried into M'gann as Conner rubbed his back; trying his best to console him. Dick had Tim wrapped in his arms, murmuring quietly to his crying brother. Artemis was sat next to Virgil an arm wrapped around his shoulders, holding him against her as Kaldur spoke quietly to him.

"I told you I would be here when you woke up." His grandpa said quietly. "I remember how badly it effected Wally, even if he never did want to admit it. Dinah is going to be talking to you all one by one, but I'm here if you want to talk abo-"

"I thought I was dead." His voice was rougher than he expected it to be, and he pulled away from his grandpa. "We- We knew we were going to die."

"I know." Barry squeezed his shoulders. "Cassie mentioned that you went into the mothership."

Bart nodded. "Y-yeah. With Virgil, Tim and Gar." He frowned as he looked over at his friend, seeing him being led out of the room by M'gaan and Conner. "I- I'm glad it wasn't real. It was horrible."

Talking about it was going to be just as horrible.


	2. Chapter 2

Tears dripped down her cheeks as she avoided meeting Dinah's eyes. Therapy wasn't want she wanted; she wanted a hug. A tight hug that lasted until the pain in her chest faded away.

"Cassie-"

"I could have said no." The words tumbled past her lips and she shook her head. "Gar gave us the option. He left it up to us. If Jaime hadn't volunteered to be bait then he would have done it. If- If Jaime hadn't volunteered to be bait, I- I don't think I would have."

"So you volunteered to sacrifice yourself because Blue Beetle did?"

Lifting her arm, she scrubbed at her eyes furiously. "I- _yes_." The defeat in her chest pulled her further down in her chair. "He joked, before Batgirl died, that he found it weird. I was the one who recruited him onto the team, and it looked like we were probably going to be leaving together. I think- I took it more to heart than I should have. So when he volunteered to be the distraction, I wasn't going to let him go out on his own."

Dinah reached out, placing a hand on her knee. "Friendships in this line of work are important, our bonds are what help us fight harder for our goal. Are you upset over this because you regret following after Blue Beetle? Do you feel that your sense of responsibility when it comes for him dictates your decision making?"

"I- _no_." She shook her head. "I don't regret it. I went out the way I _chose_ to. Gar gave us the option to stay back, try and survive. I chose to fight and I chose who I was dying alongside. And it wasn't a sense of responsibility that dictated my choice. It was- It was me taking something Blue said to heart. It was a joke-"

"A joke that clearly affected you greatly in the heat of the moment."

"I didn't want him dying alone."

She couldn't contain the sobs that burst out of her as tears poured down her cheeks.

* * *

Therapy wasn't something he was entirely used to. Having Dinah talk away to him about how she understands how traumatised he must be, and that training for failure is never easy. That sometimes emotional damage can have someone change their mind on whether or not they still want to be a hero.

"I don't really have a choice." He cut in over her. "I turn into a weapon either at my request, or when Khaji Da decides I've to suit up. The whole hero thing means I get to do it on my terms- more or less." He gave a small shrug. "And I won't quit because I'm supposed to be traumatised."

"Supposed to be?"

Rubbing a hand hand against the back of his neck, he looked down at the floor. "I feel ill, yeah. I felt ill through most of it. But-" Guilt ate away at his chest. "The last time I went up against evil aliens, I _almost_ lost; but that was on _their_ terms. This time, yeah I _did_ lose. But it was on _my_ terms. I died fighting to protect humanity. Last time, if I lost I would have lost while destroying humanity. I've had nightmares about the future Bart came from; that future is more terrifying than fake-dying over a cause that was worth sacrificing myself for."

"You feel more traumatised by what happened with the Reach? Jaime, that is perfectly okay."

"It's not a case of what was more traumatising. It's the guilt. Everyone is torn up over the fact they died. And- yeah, watching everyone die was heart wrenching. Seeing Cassie die right before I went is something that will haunt me until the day I actually die. But I- I was-" Letting out a sigh, he rubbed a hand over his face. "I thought that if I gave my life protecting the world, that maybe it would make up for the fact I nearly destroyed it."

* * *

"It's _twisted_." His hands were between his knees, eyes trained on his lap. "Everyone's dying around me and I was glad I had survived so long."

" _Virgil_." Dinah's voice was soft as she reached out to rest a hand on his knee. "It's okay. It's _not_ twisted. You're so young and fresh. The newest addition to this team; to this lifestyle. You haven't had your abilities for long, and to be thrown into a train for failure situation like that is going to create conflicting emotions for _anyone_."

"But I shouldn't feel that way. I shouldn't have felt glad that I made it to the end. Outliving people who you trust and who are supposed to trust you shouldn't make you feel happy."

"You say that the others are _supposed_ to trust you. Do you think that they don't?"

Shifting uncomfortably in the chair, he looked up to meet her eyes. "They shouldn't. Who would want to trust someone who's happy they outlived you in a crisis? It's an awful way to think. I was just so glad I was still alive, still fighting. I could have bailed out at any time; I'm newer and still adjusting to the fact this gig means giving up my life. But I didn't. I wanted to prove myself and now-"

"Virgil you lasted as long as Beast Boy, Robin and Kid Flash. Just because you are newer doesn't mean you're not capable. You have more than proven yourself since joining this team, you shouldn't base your worth on how new you are to the 'hero-community'."

* * *

" _Garfield_ -"

Scrubbing at his eyes, he struggled to look up at Dinah. "They're never going to talk to me again. And if they do, they aren't going to treat me in the same way." Holding back a sob, he shook his head. "The last think I thought of was how proud Steve would have been of me. I- I don't want that. I don't want him being proud because I sacrificed everything and everyone. I'm _not_ him."

His shoulders shook and sagged as his head dropped down. "I'm not."

"Garfield, I don't think they are going to stop talking to you. And maybe they will see you in a different light, you're a lot stronger than they all realised and-"

"It was supposed to be Ti- _Robin_." Running a hand through his hair, he pulled slightly. "Robin. _Robin_." His eyes widened in horror and his head snapped up to meet Dinah's eyes. "I used his real name. I stopped calling him Robin- Oh God, Batman is going to _kill_ me. _Batman is going to kill me_." Panic began flooding through his veins. "Oh God. Robin's gonna kill me too. I'm going to actually die. I just- I didn't understand what the point of secret identities were when we were going to die. And he had already revealed Batgirl and Nightwing's secret I.D's beforehand-"

"Garfield, calm down. I'm sure Batman will understand. You all believed that you were going to die, it's only right that you wanted to feel more connected to your friends, rather than have the barrier of the job between you. It would not be the first time a member of the league has used a first name rather than a code name in the heat of battle."

"But I didn't slip up. I used his name because it wasn't fair that Nightwing and Batgirl's names had been used, but everyone was going to die calling Robin _Robin_. It isn't the costume making the sacrifice. It's the person, that person deserves to be known. At least by their friends."

* * *

"I couldn't step up." He refused to meet Dinah's eyes. "I lost everyone, and everyone around me was morphing into something unrecognisable, and I couldn't step up. I _let_ Gar do it and I openly supported him being in charge." Rubbing his hands on his legs, he held in a shuddering breath. "Other than Nightwing and Batgirl, he's the first friend I made on this team. I'm being trained by Batman, it should have been me making those hard decisions. Not Gar – I know he's had training for this sort of thing, but it's not him. It was destroying him, and it's my fault I could step up."

"So, you're worried about how this is going to affect your friendship with him."

" _Of Course_ -" He paused, realising the words had burst out a little too loudly. "I know we're nothing alike, but he's one of my best friends. It was like watch Di-Nightwing during the whole Reach Invasion- except thrown into the space of less than twenty four hours. What Nightwing had to do during the invasion slowly destroyed him – I can imagine that Gar's going to be worse. A- and what am I supposed to say? _Sorry Gar, I know I'm the one who's been expected to step up in these kind of situations but I couldn't because I'm not Nightwing or Batman and I when you stepped up I was too relieved to try and wrestle control from you; but at the same time watching you destroy yourself was worse than dying and I feel guilty for not being more?_ "

"Well, it's not perfect, but any kind of communication is a start. It sounds like you know what you want to say, it's just the saying it part that's hard. You have all been through a very traumatic experience, any kind of communication with one another at this point is important to the healing process."

"Should dying not have affected me more than watching what becomes of my friends in these kind of situations?"

Dinah shook her head. "No, Robin. If dying was the worst part, then it would mean that your friends don't mean all that much to you. Caring more about them than dying is a good and important thing."

* * *

"Bart, I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

His fingers were drumming along the side of his leg; trying to focus on something other than the end of the world. "I don't need therapy."

Dinah gave a sigh. "Bart-"

Forcing a grin onto his face, he tilted his head to the side. "Uh, I survived an apocalypse before and didn't need therapy for that. Why do I need it now?"

"You have been offered therapy before Bart. It helps with coming to terms with the trauma you have been through. Your whole life have been filled with loss and trauma, talking about it _will_ help."

"Denial has gotten me this far."

The look on her face made him want to reel backwards.

"Look-" He held his hands up in surrender. "The fact I haven't ceased to exist yet is a miracle in itself. I knew what I was signing up for when I came back here, and dying isn't something I have a problem with. Every time I wake up, I wonder if today will be the day I finally cease." Running a hand through his hair. "Sometimes, I think that maybe it's the way time travel works – that where I come from still exists and I'm now travelling through an altered timeline; one where that hell never happens. But that's a theory; I could still disappear at any time. I have to live with that. I can add sacrificing myself for what turned out to be no reason to the list of things I can pretend don't bother me."

"But it does." She leaned forward, hands folded on her lap. "Bart, none of us can be sure of how time works. But, I can say that Barry and I have discussed your being here. We both believe that you still being here so long after you changed the past means that you aren't going to be going anywhere, anytime soon. As for what has _just_ happened, whether you hide from it or not you have already implied that it does and will bother you."

"We died and it never would have made a difference. We died for a cause that was only getting worse. How is it heroic to die for no reason? We would have been more useful helping get people to safety. The Batcave survived the Reach apocalypse, we could have taken civilians there. Is it not more heroic to save lives than give yours up on the off chance you defeat the enemy?"


	3. Chapter 3

" _Garfield_?"

M'gann had been knocking for at least four minutes, and he just wanted her to go away. As much as he loved her, he just wanted to be _alone_.

"Garfield, _please_? I'm so sorry. We should never have put you all through the simulation. I'm so sorry, I just want to know that you're going to be okay."

Part of him wondered if she was going to just density shift her way through the door. He had gotten her to promise not to invade his privacy before, but if she was desperate enough-

"M'gann-" Conner's voice sounded from outside his door. "He's going to be just fine. Gar's tough, and he'll get through this. He just needs a little time."

And that was one of the _many_ reasons Gar preferred Conner over La'gaan. Conner knew how to ease M'gann's mind, and _supported_ Gar. The older boy was one of his closest friends, still maintaining a strong friendship with him even after he had broken up with M'gann.

"I just-"

"I know." Conner's voice lowered, but Gar could still hear him. "Remember what it was like for us? We all needed time. At least he's talking to Black Canary, that's more than I did for a while. Now come on, lets go watch a movie." And then his voice got louder, and Gar _knew_ it was on purpose. "You can come back later, and I'm _sure_ Gar will let you in then."

 _Great_. He thought bitterly to himself.

When he heard the footsteps leading away from his room though, he felt relieved. A few hours would give him time to prepare for the onslaught that would be an emotional M'gann. And a few hours extra would be longer than he would have had if his sister had decided to walk though his door. She had contained herself for a while; giving him the space he demanded, and a few hours was nothing compared to how much time he had spent alone. Yet still, he wished it was more.

"Good, if that had taken any longer, I was going to bail."

Gar almost jumped out of his skin. The vent cover on the ceiling was hanging open and Tim was stood in the middle of his room. Part of him began to question Conner's motives. Had his friend really coaxed M'gann away to give him space, or was he helping out Robin?

"Wh- _What_?"

Tim looked nervous, a pair of sunglasses were covering his eyes and he was dressed in civvies. Fingers tugging nervously at invisible threads on his tracksuit jacket.

"I'm sorry."

Gar shook his head. "What, for breaking into my room? I really should have expected it, but-"

"No." Tim ran a hand through his hair. "For-" His head moved around the room, and he raised an eyebrow. "It is really dark in here. It's four o'clock, you should have a light on or-"

"Animal senses, I can see pretty well. Not my fault Batman insists you wear sunglasses indoors-" His attempt to tease the other boy was cut off.

"You're right."

And the sunglasses were gone.

"Dude! What the hell? Batman is-"

Tim moved to sit on the end of his bed. Bright blue eyes – really, Gar should have expected ridiculously blue eyes, it was the greatest cliché out there – filled with amusement. "You already know my full name, one google search and you would know what I looked like anyway."

"Dude, you're my friend. I wasn't even supposed to know your secret identity; I wasn't going to invade your privacy. Batman has reason enough to kill me already, I didn't need a google search to incriminate me further."

"Knowing my identity isn't enough reason to kill you; threaten you maybe-"

"I told Cassie, Jaime and Virgil." The fear he felt was as real as it had been when he had first spoken to Dinah. "Batman is going to kill me."

Tim snorted. "Only if he finds out."

"I'm pretty sure there's microphones in the rooms, or some kind of weird cctv-"

"And these things are so easily hacked." The grin blooming across Tim's face was something that sent a different kind of fear pounding through Gar's veins. "Once you learn how to hack the Batcave, everything else is a piece of cake. Batman really shouldn't use the same system for everything. It gets boring after a while. Where's the challenge?"

Maybe his friend's ability to hack pretty much anything should be worrying. If anyone else complained about hacking not being a challenge they would be on some kind of criminal watch list.

"Look-" And then Tim looked nervous again. "I'm really glad you've not thrown me out yet."

Confusion flooded through him. Throw Tim out? He was more surprised that Tim had come to visit him. The fear that his friends would want nothing to do with him had been clawing at his chest. A fear that had been worse than the thought of being murdered by Batman. Dying from revealing a secret identity would be a fate easier to handle than never having his friends talk to him again.

"Why woul-"

"Because it should have been me." The desperation and guilt in Tim's eyes nearly floored him, and he wondered if it was easy getting used to having eyes looking at him rather than a mask or glasses. "I should have been the one to take charge. I'm _supposed_ to be the one who takes charge when Nightwing and Batgirl are _unavailable_. It's what Batman is training me for. You never liked what Steve put you through and to have to do that- I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was relieved that it wasn't me, and I'm sorry that I didn't do more to help you."

Gar felt his face crumble. Felt thing painful stinging behind his eyes."You were relieved?" His voice was quieter than he expected, and Tim visibly flinched.

The older boy suddenly focused on his sneakers. "Yeah." He shifted uncomfortably. "I was. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have been but-"

"It's okay. If it was the other way around, I know I would have been." A small smile tugged at his lips. "You don't have to apologise for something like that. I appreciate it though. Makes me feel kinda, not as awful."

"I do have to apologise. I really am _so_ sorry. You're the youngest member of the team, Gar. It shouldn't have been you."

"Who else would it have been? Jaime doesn't have the training, despite being the oldest. Cass is to brash and bold. Bart? He's not got the focus. Virgil is too new to this. Everyone else was older than us and sacrificing themselves right-left-and-centre so that we survived. It was always going to be you or me."

"It should have been me. It really should have and-"

"It's okay. I'll live."

When his lips twitched upwards, he was surprised to realise he felt as though a weight had been pulled off of his shoulders. A small weight, but a weight none the less.

* * *

"Garfield refuses to talk to me." Tear tracks ran down her cheeks, and guilt ate away at his chest.

"If it's any consolation, I think I'd prefer that over hearing T- _Robin_ apologise every ten seconds."

At first he had felt a wave of pride over Tim being one of the last to wake up. He had survived until the very end, something that younger boy likely didn't expect of himself. But the pride Dick had felt was soon pushed away, replaced by worry and guilt because _Tim had made it to the very end_. Tim had watched his friends die one by one. What had he witnessed and experienced? What had he had to do to survive longer than the others?

Apparently Tim felt that what he did wasn't enough. That he hadn't been enough. Apparently he felt he had been too weak – that Dick and Bruce had no right to be proud of him. He was so sorry.

Dick had thanked whatever deity was out there that Bruce hadn't been around. Their father wasn't exactly the most emotional or tactile guy in the world, and Tim desperately needed comfort.

"He's apologising to Gar at the moment." Conner said quietly.

M'gann's head snapped up and Dick felt his heart pause for a moment. Kaldur and Artemis both slowly turned to look at Conner.

"What?" M'gann asked.

Tim hadn't told Dick much about what had happened in the simulation. Just that he was sorry he wasn't what he was supposed to be. That he was sorry he was unable to live up to all the expectations everyone had.

"Why would he apologise to Gar?" Dick's curiosity had gotten the better of him, wanting to know what might be running through his brothers head.

"He feels its necessary. I'm not listening in, he asked me if I thought Gar might let him in so he could apologise. I told him I didn't think he was getting into his room through the door."

There was a moment where understanding and realisation flashed onto M'gann's face. Dick wanted to question her, but discussing what had happened was apparently more painful that they had thought it was going to be.

"Gar? He- Is he talking to Tim?" There was a mix of hope and hurt on M'gann's face.

Conner paused for a moment before nodding, a smile tugging at his lips. "Apparently he thinks he has what it takes to take over the Team if Kaldur ever steps down."

Despite the fond smile on Conner's face, Dick tried hard not to think about how accurate that statement seemed. Despite not knowing what had truly occurred in the simulation, there was one certainty. Garfield 'Beast Boy' Logan, had been the one to step up. Tim had not said as such – no one had – but it was becoming increasingly more obvious.

The younger boy had been hidden away, slipping out of his room when he needed to eat before disappearing. When he was around the newer team members seemed to be watching him through a fresh pair of eyes. Cassie and Tim had actively avoided being in the same room as him, while Jaime had seemed unable to find anything to say. La'gaan stared at him with a mix of pride and respect. Bart had made multiple attempts to talk to Gar – quiet, whispered, a tentative smile on his face – and while Gar had not rebuked the attempts, it was difficult to judge whether the awkwardness was from his constant hiding or- or the guilt that came with taking over.

Of course, Bart's relationship with members of the team had not seemed to have changed much at all. As though he was unaffected by the trauma. He tried to pull laughs from Cassie. Stole food from Jaime until the older boy gave in and their friendship restored itself perfectly. Pestered Tim for stories about Gotham, and convinced Virgil to take part in several races through the Cave.

"I love the kid, but I don't think anyone could take him seriously enough to take orders off of him." Artemis was smiling, but Dick was willing to bet she was considering the possibility as much as everyone else was.

"I'd sooner take orders off of Gar than Bart." Conner muttered.

Dick almost snorted, a grin spreading across his face. "Well, there's a comparison you don't hear every day."

"As strange a comparison that might be, we still need to find a way to help the younger members of the team. Bart appears to have made plenty of progress with restoring his relationships with the others, but he refuses to speak with Dinah. Garfield appears to refuse to speak to anyone except Dinah. Jaime, Virgil and Cassie are all talking to speaking to Dinah, yet are failing at reconnecting with _everyone_. Avoidance of team-members is not good for moral. As for Robin, he is both speaking to Dinah and everyone else; yet seems to have lost the little confidence he had to the point of being unable to hold a real conversation.

"Batgirl seems mostly unaffected, and says she has taken what she can from Dinah. La'gaan seems to have, perhaps, mellowed? His confidence has definitely been knocked-"

"Is that really a bad thing?"

Everyone turned to look at Conner, who was pointedly glaring at the table. A small smile tugged at Dicks lips.

"Mal and Karen both seem to be relatively okay. Visits to Dinah and constant attempts to communicate with others, though I expected no less from them." Kaldur looked somewhat torn. "While I am tempted to suggest group therapy for the younger members of the team, Bart is convinced he does not need any more sessions, and Tim has proven willing to take matters into his own hands. Perhaps all they need is more time."

 _Let's hope so_.


End file.
